If I am remembered for nothing else...

I shall be remembered for this: I have named a syndrome. Whether the syndrome exists or not is immaterial. People will google the name, they will see it exists, and I shall be given credit, even if it is posthumous. The name? The Tannhauser Syndrome.

Every American man over the age of 15 has seen a porn. Every man that has seen a porno has thought long and hard about the benefits of being a porn star. Also, every man that gave it real consideration realized that the detrement far outweigherd the benefit of having constant sex with really hot girls: That is, eventually sex would come to be work. No matter how hot the girl was, no matter how many hot girls fucked you at one time, at some point, it would just be your daily job; something you looked forward to the end of. What hell would life be if one actually thought "Just two more hours of fucking these amazingly hot and willing chicks and then I can go home to a beer and a new episode of 'Will and Grace'."

Well, the same thing happened to a mythical German figure, one Tannhauser. Tannhauser lived in the alps and loved the young beautiful frau Liesl. One day, while hunting in the mountains, he discovered the entrance to Venus' lair. Once inside, she told him he could stay, and not only could he have his wicked way with her, but all her underlings too. So for a year, Tannhauser engaged in wicked threesomes, hot foursomes and daisy-chains, until one day it just bored him to tears. So he asked Venus to release him, which she did. However, when he came home, he found that one year with Venus was the equivalent of fifty years on Earth. Not only was Liesl gone, but everybody and everything he ever knew was gone too. Eventually, he decided to try and find the gate back to Venus' world rather than try and make it in a strange and bitter (to him) world where he had no friends and no skills. He failed.

So I hereby declare, being of sound mind and sound body, that the emotional disease that affects porn stars who learn to despise free and available sex and long for the idyllic time before they were in porn shall be called 'Tannhauser's syndrome'. Look for it in your next edition of the DSM.