Thank god they're not the 'Sexual' Congress or we'd never perpetuate the species...

In the wake of the tragedy that was September 11th, the U.S goverment did something remarkable: the legislative and executive branch actually came together and worked in a bipartisan fashion to protect America's cities. Together, they passed a whalloping funding bill to assist state and local authorities in terrorism prevention.

However, as the bill took time to pass, precious days and weeks ticked away from the events of 9/11 and the congressmen and women of our great land came out of their fair-minded stupor and returned to the 'cut as big a piece of the pie as you can' mentality that pervades the pork barrel department on a daily basis. So the money in the bill was split down not on a merit or needs basis, but on an equal share basis. That is, Montana would get as much money as New York.

Fear not, the Department of homeland security was created soon after and given a whopping budget. More iumportantly, the purse-strings were handed to Department Head Tom Ridge, not Congress. However, Tom is a former Governor, so maybe that is why he chose to divvy up the budget on an equal share basis and again, not on a needs basis.


The result (According to the New Yorker)? The average citizen in Casper, Wyoming gets over 38 dollars in federally funded terror protection money, the Average New york citizen gets just over 5.

Let me put that another way:
That Lincoln will buy you an emergency terrorism bagel with Philadelphia freedom cream cheese when they blow up the Republican convention next month.

On the flip side, when all the corn-fed hicks in Wyoming overreact to the terror attack and head into the hills in their Ford Expeditions, they can do it on a full tank of gas.

Ann Coulter is so Nutty

You may not personally like Clinton, but even if you don't, you'd have to agree he didn't rape Monica. However, angry, disillusioned drag-queen Ann Coulter doesn't quite see it that way.

Transcript from HANNITY & colmes.



COLMES: Yes, I disagree with [Burton] factually. And you're ducking my question: Is it or is it not over the top?

COULTER: I think [calling Clinton a scumbag] is factually correct.

COLMES: It is an opinion. It is name calling, is what it is.

COULTER: I don't think you could win a slander suit on that. Truth is a defense.

JENNY BACKUS [DEMCRATIC STRATEGIST]: There you go again. It's a double standard. It is, it's a double standard.

COULTER: It's a double standard? Wait, this man [Clinton] raped a woman. This man molested interns in the White House, and then he lied about it and committed felonies.

COLMES: Where do you come off accusing him of being a rapist?

[...]

COLMES: You just accused somebody of committing a felony without being convicted in a court of law. That's outrageous.

COULTER: It is not outrageous. And I think it's outrageous for people to act as if you can only speak the way our criminal justice system works. No, you cannot be put in jail unless it's been proved beyond a reasonable doubt.




Someone do America a favor and spike her cocaine with a little smack.

Phish Fry

From the Washington Post

"The Vermont jam band Phish -- Gen X's answer to the Grateful Dead -- left fans in shock yesterday, announcing plans to call it quits after a summer tour. "We don't want to become caricatures of ourselves, or worse yet, a nostalgia act," guitarist Trey Anastasio said on the band's Web site. The final tour starts June 17 and winds up with massive concerts in Vermont on Aug. 14-15."


President Bush is the most distressed by this news as it means come this fall, all those permanently unemployed, patchouli wearing generation-thieves who spent the last 8 years following Phish from one state park to another are now going to go back onto the unemployment rolls. You see, no longer can they make a living in the tie-dyeing hemp or hand-woven rasta hat industries.

Would you pay this woman $400 for Anal Sex?

Perhaps not, but I would pay 400 bucks to lick those Manolo Blahnik's Washingtonienne is wearing.

Bet there was Santorum involved...

Washingtonienne, the goy, boy-toy-doyenne of senatorial santorum has gotten the axe. She apparently got pretty publically ass-fucked in the office for going public with her ass-fucking. The irony is not lost on us. Relax, big piles of money heal a lot of wounds, and she's bound to come by some.

The Emo diaries

I just bought Morrissey's You Are The Quarry and Belle & Sebastian's Dear Catastrophe Waitress and I'm listening to them now.


Goodbye cruel world.

I just heard a decent joke... ...Our government

Why won't DC get a baseball team?

Because then Baltimore would want a professional team of their own.



But in all seriousness, what's the point of paying 500 million for a team? We already have enough steriod-popping uneducated rubes in congress, we don't need any more in Washington.

I hear they want to put the stadium in Northeast, no doubt leveling hundreds of 100 year old houses rich with historical significance to build a park that ultra-paranoid suburbanites still won't drive to. But it's NE, so demographically speaking, a bunch of Baseball players who tend to be young, muscle-bound dudes with no college education, a nasty drug habit and an excessive amount of bling sounds just about right.