A bit of Good News for a change

With this band in the world, there really is hope. Just forget all your shame or pride or your bitter, 30's intellectual irony and just give in to the sound and boundless optimism of

The Polyphonic Spree

Beat my wife, please!!!

The average Bush supporter, not content with beating Democracy like a red-headed stepchild, has skipped democracy altogether and is now just beating red-headed stepchildren.

Speak up against aging, white male oligarchs and this is what you get (from George Bush's speech yesterday in Colmar, PA):




You don't like this? Donate here. They are collecting a bounty for the first person that asks Bush how many times he's been arrested. 1282 bucks so far.


-TLS

Be sure to Pre-order your Armalite Childkiller 3000 and your Browning K15 Wifewaster now!

The Assault weapons ban is about to expire because, lord knows, this country has really not had enough guns lately. The NRA is of course loving it, because an Enfield 303 will kill a deer, but it's just not as satifying as killing that deer 15 times over with an AK-47. Besides, hunting rifles only let you kill from a bland, impersonal distance. Where's the fun in that? With a Tek-9, you can walk right up to that bear and scream 'Die Darkie!' as you pump him full of sweet, hot lead. But perhaps the NRA is right, after all, the guvmint took away our guns 10 years ago and in 2000 we were powerless to stop a tyrranical regime from coming to power.

But fear not, for our president says he wants the ban to continue. Surely he'll stop it. Why just listen to the powerful, forceful, stubornly committed strong words his mouthpiece Scott McClelland uses to describe his commitment to protecting the safety of our nation's children:

Q: The assault weapons ban expires in just a few days. Can you list for us the many things the President might be doing to encourage Congress to send him the bill that he said he would sign?

MR. McCLELLAN: The President's views have been made very clear, and the best way we can reduce crimes committed with guns is to strictly enforce our laws. And prosecutions under this administration are up. I think it's -- well, it's more than 60 percent -- I think 68 percent over the previous administration. That's the best way to crack down on crimes committed with guns. That's an important issue here in terms of the assault weapons ban. He's made his views very well-known.

Q: And his view is he'll sign it if --

MR. McCLELLAN: He's made his views known as recently as this week.

Q: His view is he'll sign it if it comes to him. Is he doing anything to make sure he --

MR. McCLELLAN: The President supports the reauthorization of current law.

Q: What is he doing to actively make sure is he doing anything to make sure he --

MR. McCLELLAN: The President doesn't set the congressional timetable.

Q: No, but he can lobby for it.

MR. McCLELLAN: Congress sets the timetable. And the President's views are very clear.

Q: Has he made any calls or anything to encourage this to happen?

MR. McCLELLAN: What we've continued to do -- because this issue does go to the issue of crimes committed with guns, as well -- and what we've continued to do is step up our efforts to prosecute crimes committed with guns and strictly enforce our laws. And that's the best way we can deter violence committed with guns.

Q: But he did something this week?

Q: But he's not doing anything to make sure this doesn't lapse on the 13th?

MR. McCLELLAN: We'll continue to make our views known.

Q: You said he had done something this week.

MR. McCLELLAN: No, I said we've continued to make our views known. This week, as well.

Q: To who?

MR. McCLELLAN: Publicly.

Q: Did he speak about it publicly?

MR. McCLELLAN: We have, the White House has.



No flip-flops in there!

-TLS

A message to Florida...

Just in case you didn't get it with Charlie and Frances, we now have Ivan, one of the 10 strongest Hurricanes EVER.

It's track?


.


You see, GOD IS PISSED.

Let's see how much you love Bush, now that he's cut the budget to FEMA, federal education, state services and just about everything else. Oh and sory about the looting, but you see, the National Guard and Army Reserves that normally protect you are all in Iraq. But it's okay, because Bush came to Florida and handed out a few bags of ice.

Clearly all your monkeyshines over the 2000 election has forced God to push all your voting machines, impartial recounts, voter roll purges and hanging chads out to sea, thus preventing you and your backwoods swamplogic from once again being the sole determiner of the world's fate.

Rumor has it Cheney is planning to announce that a vote for Kerry will almost certainly lead to more catastrophic hurricanes.

Truthfully, I hope it misses you.

-TLS

Maybe We Deserve Bush...

After all, this is the electorate for you:


MAN LOSES GENITALS TO PIT BULL HE OWNS

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) - A man whose genitals were bitten off by a pit bull remained in serious condition Tuesday, and the dog remained on the loose.

The man, who has not been identified, was attacked Monday while walking the dog. When police arrived to help, the man appeared disoriented and fled on foot but police tracked him to a nearby park, said Detective Jeff Arbogast of the Albuquerque Police Department.

The man was naked when found at the park, but it was unclear at what point he had taken off his clothes. Neighbors had seen him playing with the dog earlier in the day.

Arbogast said investigators do not know why the man was naked, and remain uncertain about some circumstances surrounding the attack.



MAN ACCIDENTALLY BEHEADS FRIEND AND SLEEPS IT OFF

MARIETTA, GA. (AP) - The family of a man decapitated in a freak traffic accident is asking authorities to free the driver, who authorities say continued on home and left his close friend's headless body in the vehicle.

Francis "Frankie" Brohm, 23, was killed Saturday night on the way home from a bar with his high school friend, John Hutcherson.

Police say Brohm was drunk and hanging out the passenger side window when Hutcherson veered off the road. Brohm hit the guide wire running from a telephone pole, severing his head. Hutcherson, apparently unaware of what had happened, kept driving home and went to bed, leaving the body in the car.



If ever there's an article describing man losing genitals to dog while beheading his friend, surely the 7th seal will have been broken.

-TLS

RNC MEMO RE: Giant Head Cocks

To all RNC mouthpieces,

Please let all know who need to know that the GOP is not, I repeat NOT, overcompensating for perceived anatomical inadequacies.

Sincerely,
Ed Gillespie




GOP delegates are giving new meaning to
"The party of dickheads".


-TLS